Tuesday, July 22, 2008


A little while ago, sultry S. and I decided we needed a side project. Something of our own, you know, something for us, know what I’m saying? So we decided to do a romance novel. Romance being our strong suit and all.

First things first. My girl and I sat down and brainstormed on a nom de plume. We found the perfect name. Amanda Woodward.

Here’s some stuff Amanda wrote:
As always, the butler did it.
Butlers are carefully selected to be handsome, tall, and most of all discreet.
They disappear into the background, they blend with the décor. I can assure you, he blended well with mine.
It was the butler, then, who did it. Or rather: Who did me.
Shit like that. Wry stuff. Hemingway in black lace panties.* You get the idea.

Then it was brought to our attention that the name Amanda Woodward was already taken. It is the name of Heather Locklear’s character on the FOX soap Melrose Place. The one in micro skirts, remember? She who put the “bitch” in “business lunch”? How could we have forgotten?

Which proved disastrous to our venture for two reasons:
(a) By crypto-plagiarizing the name of a hero of daytime television pop culture, we clearly laid bare our ignorance concerning the audience we had in mind for Mandy’ writerly endeavors,
But also:
(b) In doing so (including laying bare our cluelessness) we demonstrated quite conclusively that Mandy Woodward was, indeed, the perfect nom de plume for our projected author.

And so we pulled the plug.

And that is how I ended up at Magnums Butlers: At Your Service!

*Love the way it shapes his junk!

No comments: